My dad was the best chef that I had ever known and up until a certain point in my life, he was also the best dad. He would always dedicate the time outside of his culinary profession to spending time with me and making sure that I was loved. When I went through my phases of what I wanted to be when I grew up , as every child did, he made sure to support me fully. When I wanted to be just like Steve Irwin , he would buy me the best books on animals and would take me to the zoo frequently. When I wanted to be just like Neil Armstrong, he bought a telescope so that during the night we could look at the stars and point out to each other the funny little shapes that they made. When I wanted to be just like Michael Jordan, we got a basketball hoop and played basketball every single day. It wasn’t until around my 13th birthday that I decided that I wanted to be just like him, and that we were really able to bond and grow closer than ever.

I’m really at the end of my rope here. No, check that. I was at the end of my rope weeks ago. Now I’m sort of clinging to the side of the cliff by one bloody fingernail.

I didn’t even know that you could get banned from calling 911. 31 calls over 36 nights later, and now I know the truth. They told me that unless they find an actual emergency situation the next time they respond, they’ll arrest me on the spot and haul me off to jail.

And you know what? Honestly? That doesn’t sound like a bad idea right now. Except for the part where I’d probably lose my children.

I know, it’s crazy right? The first time I heard that every man in my family drowns on his 33rd birthday, I was 5 years old and my grandmother was trying to scare me back to bed. She said the mermaid’s would come for me early if I didn’t do as I was told. Complete nonsense. At least, I thought it was. My dad was in the Navy, and drowned during a military training exercise that went tragically wrong, I never even knew him, my mum was was 6 months pregnant at the time. It’s not easy raising a kid alone, I’m sure. But my grandmother and aunt Jane, both on my father’s side, were always there to help us. I never really knew anyone else on my father’s side of the family, grandad had died long before I was born and Jane never married or had kids.